Just Beth

Gratuitous funny dog picture

I hate puking.  I’m sure you do, too… I mean, I’ve NEVER heard anyone saying that they love a good vomit session, have you?  Anyway, I think the instinctual abhorrence of vomiting is pretty universal.  I’ve been doing a LOT of puking lately…  I’m pregnant for one thing, and while that doesn’t always mean that you WILL puke, I am.  Plus, I just had the flu.  It got me thinking that I might have more than your average experience with puking, and that I ought to share my experiences with others.  So here you go, my advice on how to make your upchucking experience just a little less horrifying.

First, try to think about what you’re eating.  You know it’s going to come back, so you might as well plan for it a little.  I don’t know about you, but puking nothing or BILE is the absolute worst of the worst.  If you can eat something, you’ll have more energy after you upchuck, plus you can pre-determine what it will taste like on the way back out.  Avoid things that are fibrous or crunchy, like carrots, Triscuits or anything with a corner.  Also avoid milk products if possible, because curdling your own milk is really vile.  If you’re pretty sure you’re going to puke before you get a curdle on, though, try eating some fruit loops.  Yes, I’m serious.  They’re sweet and delicious either way, coming or going.  Or coming and coming back…?  Also avoid eggs, anything spicy and tomatoes.  You don’t want any of those things coming back to visit.

Next, think about where you’re going to puke.  The obvious choice is the toilet, but I suggest you try other places.  Just LOOKING at the toilet makes me gag a little because I’ve puked into it so often.  I don’t need more help, thank you very much.  Plus, I have ONE toilet at my house.  It’s always disgusting, no matter if I’ve just cleaned it or not.  Also, I don’t know if chicks who haven’t had kids have the same problem, but I pee my pants ALL THE TIME these days.  When I cough too hard or laugh or sneeze, and ESPECIALLY if I’m crouched around the god-damned toilet hurling my guts out.  When we had the flu here recently, it wasn’t always possible to puke into the toilet so I started puking elsewhere.  I tried the sink, but not only was it a little small and shallow, the stopper got in the way of my chunkage, and therefore caused some extra needless ralphing.  My new personal favorite place to toss my cookies is the bathtub.  Now, you DO have to clean the bathtub better and there is definitely more surface area, but being able to sit on the edge and hold myself up and away from the vomit splash was PRICELESS.  It also stemmed my pee flow, which was awesome.

Last, but certainly not least, don’t hold back.  Don’t try NOT to puke, don’t try to be quiet or ladylike about it, don’t FRONT.  It’s awful, everyone knows it is awful, holding it in is just torture for yourself.  If you’re anywhere near me when I puke, I make HORRIBLE noises, I KNOW.  Yes, I’m dying.  No, you don’t need to hold my hair.  You can, however, clean the bathroom when I’m done.

Any questions?  Did I leave anything out?  And you’re welcome, enjoy!

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update:  someone who is experiencing the nth degree of morning sickness suggested peaches as being something equally sweet and tasty coming up as they were down, and to try puking outdoors.  I love peaches and will try them ASAP, and I agree with the outdoor thing, but my dogs love puke (and poop) so I just can’t do it.  It IS a great idea, however, and something to keep in your repertoire regardless.

We are pregnant with our fourth child.  I’m so excited and nervous… is this ever going to feel like something I ‘meant’ to do?  I don’t know if it’s the surprise/shock/horror I heard in my mother’s voice when I told her, or the guilt I feel for not being richer before having more kids, but I still feel a little bit like a kid who made a mistake.

The other part of how I feel is absolute euphoria.  I’m so excited for this pregnancy, this birth, this baby.  I’m so excited to bring another awesome and amazing person into this beautiful world.  I’m excited about another opportunity to have the birth that I have always wanted – a completely non-medicated, at-home birth.

Part of how I intend to prepare for this birth is hashing out my concerns and experiences here.  I think it’s pretty interesting that I’m about to have my FOURTH child, and still feel like I’m tackling it for the first time.  I’d thought it was supposed to be ‘old hat’ by now!  Maybe everyone feels this way to a point, I don’t know.  I just know that this time, I’m doing it MY way.

I’m currently reading The Natural Pregnancy Book by Aviva Jill Romm.  Now, normally I’ll consume a book in about as much time as it takes most men to take a crap, UNLESS it’s a book that I’m trying to learn from.  Then, as now, I feel nearly illiterate in my slow and methodical absorption.  However; I Love This Book.  She’s talking about getting re-in touch with your body and understanding it’s cues… something I think is WAY overlooked in today’s society.  For instance.  I feel that I am fairly well in tuned with my body.  I’m pretty sure I know the day I conceived this baby, even though it didn’t show up on any test for a few weeks.  She applauds this sort of understanding of one’s self, instead of insisting that I ‘need’ a medical ‘expert’ to tell me what I already know.  I love that.  I love that I’ve already realized that a major hang up of mine has been bad body image.  I mean, DUH, I’m a woman and I grew up a large-boned curvy chick in L.A.  Of COURSE I have body image issues.  However, part of my personal issue is that I am afraid that because I’m fat and out of shape, that my uterus is not strong enough to push a baby out.  How asinine is that?!?  I’VE HAD THREE KIDS!  And I’m STILL afraid that I’m not strong enough!  I’m going to talk at LENGHT with my birth team about this issue, until I can get PAST it, and allow my body to do what it is meant to do… and what it has already proven it CAN do!

The other things I’ve realized haven’t come directly from reading this book, but from experience.  I absolutely refuse -JE SUIS REFUSE- to discuss or agree to a ‘Due Date’.  REFUSE.  The stress I’ve had (other than those hurled at me by thoughtless house guests and broken promises) has revolved around the idea that I was ‘supposed’ to have my baby on a certain date, and that I had to leave my other kid while I went somewhere to have the new one.

Fucking BLEW, I’ll tell you what.

So first things first, having a home-birth and NO discussion of ‘due dates’ should be a good start.

The other thing that I need to mention is the amazing community and friendships I now have to support me and my family during this process.  I cannot begin to tell you how important this is.  The family we have up here are… well, I love them to death, but they’re busy with their own lives.  Sucks for me, but there’s nothing I can complain about, you know?  My family is scattered and young and broke, so not much support there (they can’t come help or anything, for instance).  But my friends, oh my god.  I have the BEST friends ever.  The knowledge that I will be able to call on them for advice and support and actual, real live HELP surrounding the time of my birth is beyond comparable, and absolutely without doubt going to make this experience TRUCKLOADS better than my last three.

THREE.  I’m about to have my fourth child and I feel like I’m doing something brand new.  And I am.  I’m going to have this baby on my terms, with confidence in my heart and peace in my soul.  It’s going to be awesome.